If you stay in Bulawayo, especially in Mahatshula, you know that gossip travels faster than a Honda Fit carrying cross-border goods from Plumtree.
Now Gumede was a well-known electrician around the western suburbs. The man installed solar systems so often that some people thought he worked directly with the sun.
But there was one problem.
Every time Mrs Ncube called for an electrical fault, Gumede would arrive before she even finished saying:
"Hello..."
One day at the shops, his friends asked:
"Bhudi, how come you take three days to respond in Cowdray Park but arrive in Mahatshula in five minutes?"
Gumede replied,
"Customer service."
Everyone knew it was not customer service.
It was Mrs Ncube Service.
One hot Saturday afternoon, Gumede arrived at the Ncube house carrying enough cable to connect Bulawayo to Botswana.
Mrs Ncube laughed.
"Gumede, what are all these cables for?"
He cleared his throat.
"Safety inspection."
"What safety inspection?"
"The inspection of... inspections."
Mrs Ncube shook her head.
The man was inventing faults faster than politicians invent promises.
As they were talking inside, fate decided to embarrass Gumede.
Mr Ncube, who had gone to town, suddenly remembered he had forgotten his wallet.
The man turned his car around faster than a kombi conductor spotting a traffic cop.
Back home he came.
Inside the house, Gumede heard the gate opening.
CLANG!
His soul immediately left his body and started running before him.
The man looked at the door.
No chance.
He looked at the kitchen.
Blocked.
He looked at the window.
The ancestors whispered:
"Yikho leyo."
Without wasting a second, Gumede launched himself through the window.
Not climbed.
Not stepped.
Launched.
Like a chicken escaping Christmas.
Like a thief hearing "Police!"
Like a kombi conductor seeing municipal officers.
Outside, children playing football stopped.
One boy shouted,
"Yoh! Isn't that Gumede?"
Another replied,
"No. That is Usain Bolt from Entumbane."
The third one said,
"Usain Bolt wears more clothes."
Gumede was running so fast that dust rose behind him like a rainstorm approaching from Tsholotsho.
An old man watering his garden blinked twice.
"Was that a human being?"
His wife replied,
"No. That's guilt moving at 200 kilometres per hour."
Meanwhile Mr Ncube reached the room and looked through the window.
All he saw was Gumede disappearing down the road holding his shorts.
The man was running so fast even Google Maps would have struggled to track him.
The story spread across Bulawayo immediately.
By sunset people in Luveve knew.
By supper people in Nkulumane knew.
By bedtime people in Pumula were discussing it.
By Sunday morning even people in Gwanda were asking:
"Did Gumede survive?"
The next week, Gumede walked into a hardware store.
The cashier looked at him and asked,
"Window frame or door frame?"
Gumede frowned.
"Why?"
The cashier replied,
"Because we hear you prefer windows."
The whole shop exploded with laughter.
From that day forward, Gumede earned a new nickname:
"Solar Flash"
Not because he installed solar quickly.
But because he became the first man in Bulawayo history to perform a window exit faster than ZESA can switch off electricity.
And even today in Mahatshula, whenever someone jumps a fence, dives through a window, or runs unusually fast, people still say:
"Hayi, stop running like Gumede when Mr Ncube came back for his wallet!" 😂🏃🏾💨🩳⚡
The moral of the story?
Never mix electrical inspections with emotional investigations. In Bulawayo, the neighbours are always watching... and they tell stories better than journalists. 😭😂🤣
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