You are not better than anyone, and no one is better than you. Technically this isn’t exactly true — you really are better than some of the people you will come across. But it makes everything easier when you act like you don’t know that.
Just because you can fit in the extra-small doesn’t mean you should be wearing it. It’s hard to show your grace and inner beauty when you’re showing everything else.
It shouldn’t always be about your looks. If you spend too much time fussing over how you look, you will lose valuable time nurturing all those other wonderful qualities you have. In some parts of the world, your looks will be devalued because your skin is brown. That’s why how you feel about what you see in the mirror should never be determined by what others see.
Don’t be afraid to be smart. If someone tries to tear you down because they are afraid of your brain, run away from them as fast as you can. Your history is filled with brilliant women who didn’t hide their smarts from the world.
It’s not the quantity of friends that matter, it’s the quality. It’s not possible to overstate how important good friends will be to the quality of the life you live. Don’t neglect them. Don’t take them for granted. Let them know how much you love them, as often as you can. The best ones will add many years to your life, particularly in the later years.
When people talk to you, LISTEN to them. They can tell when you’re not listening. Eventually, they will stop talking. This goes double for your life partner. And besides, most of the learning you will do in your life will come when you are listening, not talking.
Always have your own little stash. Mothers and grandmothers through the ages have had many names for it. “Eff you” money gets right to the point. You don’t ever want to be in a position where you can’t leave because you’re broke.
See the world. The planet is a vast, complex, beautiful place. Make sure you see as much of it as you can. It also changes the way you see the narrow-minded silliness of American racism. Once you step foot out of the U.S., it becomes that much easier to rise above the ignorance when (if) you come back.
Live to eat, not the other way around. Good food is one of the greatest pleasures granted to humans. Don’t deny yourself. Dive in to the global buffet.
People remember how you make them feel. Never forget that. It’s these little things that ultimately craft the quality of your life. How you treat people. How they treat you. Whether they want to invite you back. Always strive to be invited back — even if you don’t ever want to return.
Don’t gossip. Of course you will violate this one. But at least try. You will be a much better friend that way.
Go with your gut. It’s called women’s intuition and it’s rarely wrong. When in doubt, let it guide you. (Men have it, too — but they just think it’s indigestion.)
Even after school is done, the learning should never stop. There is nothing quite so intoxicating as spending time around a woman who is eager to keep learning as much as she can about everything, no matter her age. She has a light in her eye that attracts people to her like moths.
Get a degree. In the world we live in, people are much less willing to give you a chance if you don’t have those degrees. You want to get every chance you can. This is especially important for Black women, who are perpetually at the bottom of every pay scale ever devised.
Take responsibility for your actions and apologize when you’re in the wrong. This will make you a better and stronger person. When you can admit you’re wrong, you’ll soon find there’s very little you’re afraid of.
Don’t be afraid to fail. Ah, this may be the most important item on this list. It affects every decision you make. When you’ve learned to live with, accept, even welcome failure, you will have vaulted to the highest level of human evolution — and you’ll probably be a lot happier, too. Fear of failure can be crippling, debilitating, destructive. Don’t let it beat you.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who can laugh at herself. This applies to potential friends, lovers, employers, employees, even pets. Laugh. It’s music to the soul.
Learn how to say ‘NO’. OK, this one ties with not being afraid to fail as the most important item on the list. Being afraid of the word “no” has plagued many women for many generations. The word is liberating, empowering. Start trying it out right now.
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