Ways To Say “No” To People Without Feeling Bad About It

Saying “no” can be one of the hardest things to do.

But when you constantly say “yes” yet you don’t want to, it might start making your life miserable. There are people who strive to make those around them feel happy and valued. But that is a wrong way to go about things. There are many times in life when we have the right to say no. And most importantly, you should say no without having to regret your decision.

Here is how you can do that.

1. Don’t explain yourself too much.
We often find ourselves feeling like we owe people explanations when actually we don’t. The key to saying no is not to over explain. You really don’t have to tell someone you won’t do a such and such thing for them because you’ll be doing this and that instead. That just leaves you purging all over them. If you can’t do something, it isn’t on you to explain why you can’t.

2. Adopt the first come, first serve policy.
Don’t prioritize someone who asked for something second, over someone who asked for it first. The second person should wait or even miss out. If they can’t understand, it’s not really your fault you know. Adopting this policy prevents you from having to rearrange your schedule and having regrets.

3. Give alternatives.
If someone asks for something from you and you can’t deliver, give other alternatives. Half a bread is always better right? Giving alternatives is more like saying “maybe” than saying “no.” If the person can’t handle the alternative, then the no will just do.

4. Don’t hold yourself accountable for if someone feels bad.
If someone gets mad, it’s on them, not you. Don’t worry about people not liking you. Actually saying no makes people respect you more than saying yes all the time. Doing things to avoid hurting others or out of fear, never leads you to find happiness. It ends up making you feel empty.

5. It isn’t bad to negotiate.
Negotiation is a great tool to help you feel less used. Over time, if all you ever do is say yes, even when you don’t want to, you begin to feel used. It will have a real consequence on your self-esteem. Giving something to gain something is a much more equitable system for your psyche.

6. Consider the worst that could happen and how you will deal with it if things went bad.
It’s not wise to say no without considering the consequences too. Sometimes ‘no’ can cause things to blow up so when you say it, make sure you’ve weighed the consequences and established that nothing serious will come out of it. Also, think about the request. Is it reasonable or no?

7. Realize that you are only responsible for your own self.
You are not answerable to anyone else but yourself. There are people who love doing good things for others but you can’t define your self-worth by what you do for other people. You are not the Messiah. Make sure you are comfortable first before helping others. For example, you can’t go lending money when you don’t have enough yourself.

8. Have boundaries.
Know what you can and cannot do. Have personal principles and if something doesn’t fall within your principles then you can always say no without having to feel bad about it. Having principles also prevents you from following tides and trends aimlessly or succumbing to peer pressure.